My wonderful wife and I have three incredible children and we have been using the NFP method for about 7 or 8 years. Because of our age and our finances, we would prefer to be responsible, be thankful and are blessed to have the children God has given to us.
On a ‘personal’ note, because we want to be intimate during the non-fertile phase, we (well, I) find that my wife has far less interest in activity during that time, especially when her menstrual cycle is close. She becomes far more amorous during the times when she is ovulating and we need to abstain. We hold out on intercourse during the month and by the time we can share ourselves, the interest has waned because of natural causes.
Is this something you’ve discovered, heard about or experienced personally, and if so, what thoughts can you share. I’ve done a google search to no avail.
John:
Yes. We have certainly heard of this, and it’s very understandable. The Lord made us this way. In previous ages people had to work hard physically, and I imagine they got just as smelly as we do when we have a lot of physical exercise without any deodorants. But the Lord wanted them to get together at the fertile time. So he made woman in such a way that she feels more amorous at the fertile time, and some researchers think that her cervical mucus (or some other source) emits pheromes that are picked up by her husband’s olfactory senses that go beyond the simple sense of smelling something very obvious. These pheromes make her more “attractive.”
I try to keep emphasizing that the marriage act is not just “having sex.” Animals “have sex.” But only humans can come together to consciously celebrate their marriage in the marriage act. The marriage act ought to be a renewal of the marriage covenant — the gift of self, the caring love, and the commitment of the marriage itself.
My suggested “remedy” for the situation you have discovered is for the spouses to try to recognize more deeply that the marriage act, like marriage itself, is not primarily for the self but for the other. Husbands with their typically much stronger drives toward sexual union can overlook this very easily because they can be satisfied at almost any time. However, if a wife forgets this, she may have difficulty putting herself into it, so to speak. On the other hand, if she can internalize that engaging in the marriage act during the infertile times when she feels less “sexy” is a great marriage act because it is a great gift of self, she may find great satisfaction, even if not exactly the same kind as she might have during the most fertile time, and sometimes even more satisfying as a renewal of their marriage covenant. All one has to do is to reflect on some couple you know who have divorced, and that thought should make your own marriage act even more of an act of loving gratitude.
So, let an attitude of gratitude permeate your marital embraces. Let me suggest that it may be helpful if each spouse, during those moments of silence is praying, “Thank you, Jesus, for my spouse.”
Another suggestion is to not watch any TV “shows” because it seems that they are so oriented toward stimulating lust within us. I don’t say that on the basis of watching them but from the ads I see when I watch a sports event or from reviews I read.
I hope this hasn’t been too preachy but at least a little bit helpful.
In his service,
John F Kippley
NFP International
www.NFPandmore.org
Sex and the Marriage Covenant: A Basis for Morality (Ignatius)